I was in the bath tonight and saw a white flake floating in the water. When I examined it, it was a piece of skin. I released it back into the water and it settled on my thigh as if it was trying to rejoin my body. I felt sorry for the little piece of skin. It used to be part of this bigger being and has been released into the unknown, to be spewed down the drain into the ether beyond to live as long as it will before completely decomposing. I related strongly to the skin because that sums up how I feel now. I too used to be part of the great cosmic energy of the universe before floating in my mother’s womb to be spewed out into this world, left to live as long as I can before decomposing in the dirt. I wished I could take the skin back and reaffix it to my body so that it could be part of that which it was, but much like the universe, I was helpless to do anything but let it continue on its journey, wherever it may go.
So… as you probably guessed, this whole “coming into my body” thing is still going really well (*sarcasm implied*).
I wish I had enough energy to finish this post when I was actually still in this state, but I made some notes and I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks, but at the time, things were the darkest of black and I couldn’t – for the most part there aren’t even really words to describe the experience of travelling through the underworld of the psyche (I’ve tried). So far, only my therapist (who has traveled there herself) has really been able to understand – the one note I would like you to keep in mind while reading is that despite all of this, I am the happiest I have been in my entire life (which is truth – a future post will deal with the dichotomy of the soul). Anyway, it has been an extremely transformative part of the process.
I’ve kept the original bullet notes and then expanded on the idea below.