So, I’m going to be graduating my group therapy in a
couple weeks, which basically means that I have reached a point where I have
worked through enough of my process that I can function in the world without
the containment of the therapy group (aka I’m healed… mostly…). This weekend was my final therapy intensive
and, boy, was it intense!! It feels like
in order to graduate, the universe needs to administer a final exam to see if I
pass.
Over the nearly two years I have been in group therapy
(and nearly four years in individual therapy), I have tackled some pretty heavy
topics: abuse, neglect, bullying, conditional parental love, death of the absent
father, and sexuality, just to name a few.
One major issue that has plagued me is seeking affection from the
unavailable man. That stuck around the
longest. Seeking love where it was
unavailable has pretty much been my M.O. for my entire life. I’m still working it out, but in the past
year (minus a few months), I’ve been pretty good at putting myself first (or at
least stopping myself early in the chase stages). I have never felt more powerful or in control
of my own life. Every day is brimming
with excitement and opportunity. I have
said “fuck it” to “chasing” after a mate.
My theme song of the weekend was “Holding Out for a Hero” by Bonnie
Tyler. Either a man meets me or I’m not
interested. I’ve had this conversation
with many people and the common opinion is that I’m searching for a unicorn,
and guess what, I am.
Then comes my final exam…
