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Monday, 25 August 2014

WEEK #56 - TODAY I GOT STOOD UP

Today I got stood up for a date with a guy that I was pretty sure was into me.  I’ve had a crush on him for months.  We worked together on a project in the spring, but due to this year, I couldn’t pursue anything.  Since then, he has been keeping tabs on my comings and goings and we have hung out once or twice.  Recently, he saw on Facebook that I was back in Toronto again and contacted me about getting together.  Alas, he was mistaken, I was still out of town for work, but was coming home for one night and said we could hang out after my meetings.  He agreed and we left it at that.

That night was tonight.  No word from him.  I have been officially stood up! Now, he was camping for the weekend and was only supposed to return this afternoon, so he could a have a legit excuse.  The real amazing part of this story is: I don’t care!  Not that I don’t care about being stood up, that sucks, I was looking forward to it, it’s just that psycho Girl Brain isn’t running a million miles an hour.

Now, I did get tempted to go all crazy-like and wander the streets of Toronto looking for him (we had agreed on an area and time to meet, but never said specifically where – thought we would do that at some point today), but I didn’t.  I didn’t even really wait around much for him to get back to me.  I sent him a couple messages letting him know my meeting was almost done and then that it was done and when I received no response I began to make my way home (checking my phone constantly, but that is my concession with Girl Brain). 

Then I thought about sending him a text telling him I went home (with a frowny face – ‘cause that’s how I communicate emotion these days??? Yeesh!), but when I picked up my phone (yes, I typed it), I couldn’t bring myself to hit send.  I heard the voice of my good friend, The Blue Fairy, who talked me out of Girl Brain a couple weeks ago, saying, “What if he still says no?”  Okay, not entirely accurate for this situation but it gets to the heart of matters.  The idea is, why are you putting all your energy towards this?  Will it make him appear?  Will it make him feel bad?  The answer is always ‘no’.  He should feel bad already.  If he doesn’t, it is not worth it.  He is not worth it.  You are! 

It was at that point that I put my phone away and stopped checking it. 

Here is the thing I’m finally learning: I don’t want to be with a man who does things like this.   It’s not about him or what he thinks or if he finds me attractive.  It’s about me being freakin’ awesome and wanting a guy who thinks that as well.  Why should I get all bent out of shape if a guy isn’t into me?  I’m not into guys who don’t see you when they say they will.

So, though Girl Brain is still there, Awesome Brain seems to be in control.

(Note: He could have a very legitimate reason for not contacting me and should that be the case we will see what happens, but it better come with a huge apology.  That’s all I’m sayin’.)

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